Grey hair. I have few of them.

It was after a morning shower this morning and I looked at myself through the mirror, thinking of what have I become after all these years, all the fun I had along with the countless misery experienced, anyone could have ever imagined, until there it was, a single strand of grey hair!

rogueLater then I discovered, there are few others in betweens and it made me think, “OMG! I am turning into Rogue, girlfriend of Iceman in X-Men!” How I wish I really have the superpower she has, who absorbs the power of memories of any persons touching her skin. In that manner, I don’t have to keep on playing the guessing games, reasoning the unreasonable actions that he made as to have a good faith that he was a good boyfriend and I was just overthinking, prevent the heartaches and weeping episodes every single night and live a happy life instead. But I was not Rogue, that is the misfortune. I have feelings and it hurts. It still hurts regardless dozens of chores I busy myself with just to occupy my mind to set off the sorrow.

I was once argued that no one could ever switch feelings from falling in love with A and the next minute to shut it down instantly, while duplicating the exact, matching affection and desire to be shifted to B effortlessly. I personally think it is impossible. Love is interchangeable. It is not exchangeable. Not at all!

But hey, it is to him apparently. I actually, secretly wish that for the time that he was with me for almost about two years in the past, at least the love and emotions he had for me was genuine and the relationship was real, but sadly, all his actions since the day we broke up say otherwise. It was in reality, was a total fictitious and not real. I was so confident that he would never do such thing because I could not imagine a person can actually do this to someone, but he really did.

Still, it would be exceptionally incredible if I have Rogue’s superpower, isn’t it? To absorb all the memories so it is no more. Dead and buried. Save a lot of time and I would certainly be happier, cured with no memories and better off, no ability to have feelings towards anyone. I would. Absolutely.

Oh by the way, today mom asked if everything is alright and what is going on between me and him since he has been awfully quiet and she has not seen me going out on a date with him for weeks. I panicked and finally, my only response was ‘I don’t know.’ Damn, it hurts!

February 2017
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