Life is exquisite but at the same time it is inexplicable. Sometimes, you dare yourself to predict what would happen by assuming things you should not. Ever. But, at other times, it is all as plain as it could be where everything happened is exactly as what you have foreseen. Perfectly.

heartbroken

Truthfully, as it has been seen all these years, that it is miraculously impossible to make believe that there is a happy ending in any love story. Ever. There is none, because love story is mainly a fairytale, of which it is not true at all but but merely just a fiction. I have been trying to persuade myself to accept that fairytale is real, that there will be a knight in shining armour (or a prince!) to come and save myself from this dreadful world and we will live happily ever after (just like in the movies), but hey, who was I kidding? Ended up, I was just to make fool of myself, over and over and over again.

Happy endings are overrated. There is no happy ending. Never. Because when you started to feel the happiest, when all the butterflies in your tummy goes crazy, when your heart beats unbelievably fast that you have trouble breathing, when you smile so wide that people thought you are on drugs – whenever you are with that special someone that you love so much that no words can express how you actually feel, as it is the most amazing feeling one could ever experienced… just be careful, because sooner or later, you will realised that there was never any happy endings and subsequently you may be suffering from the worst, extremely horrendous, most disastrous panic attacks, heart-wrenching, far-fetched the most unimaginable heartbreaking moment ever and at the end it will all be shattered to pieces and it is all gone.

There is no happy ending for me. Never. I should have realised it from the very beginning, but I was too stupid for hoping there is a happy ending for me. Who am I kidding? Me? A happy ending? I probably was dreaming too much. I am not worth to someone as much to earn me a happy ending in my life. I am officially broken. Completely.

Theoretically, you are meant to be with someone. You are not to fight the demons in this world on your own. Really. Because, what happened when up to a certain point where you have had enough and done trying? Oh, and don’t forget the fact that sometimes you had that moment when you thought that the whole world just, simply hates you? You just need someone to be by your side and tell you that whatever happens, it is going to be okay and you are still loved. Despite of how awfully evil the demonic appears to be, they will stick with you, high and dry.

Does that even exist in this real world?

I know they do in fairy tales and fictions. But in real life? I actually doubt that. But what I really think is that it is unreal. It is obviously, clearly, a made-up fantasy. I don’t blame you for believing such well-crafted lies after realising that it was actually started right from the very beginning when all moms decided to read that ‘happy ending tale’ to her child before bedtime.

Poor little girl, left by her dad when he died, lives with stepmother and two stepsisters when her life turn-around and marry a prince – Cinderella;

A princess was born but her mother died during childbirth, the King married another and the stepmother (who is a witch by the way), poisoned her with a cursed apple but awake after a prince kissed her and they live happily ever after – Snow White.

I am sorry to break the news, but these only works in children’s book but not in the real world. If you are alone, then you will die alone. Simple as. Legitimately, I think I have had enough and I am done trying.

But what I love most about my life is, I now have an amazing long-term partner, an absolutely fantastic best friend, a takeaways date, unconditional sleeping partner, exceptionally a loyal companion, a remarkable actress-ish, extraordinarily gossip alliance and she is fabulously amazing.

IMG_3607She is my cat, Keng. She may not know exactly what revolves around me; being too heartbroken, feels like a piece of shit once in a while, giving up, hopeless, crushed, devastated at times, etc. but she surely knows when to be around, especially when I feel left out and unwanted. No matter what happened, she is always on my side and as if she knows that I am feeling extremely miserable and purr herself away to calm me down.

I don’t need fairytale in my life to make it work, because Keng just did that for me.

Love sucks, what do you think?

August 2016
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